Photography: Katie Grace Photography
If you follow me on Instagram then you’ve probably noticed that I’ve been completing the #risingtidechallenge this week. (If you haven’t heard about the Rising Tide Society, you can read more about it here.) Today is day 4 of the challenge and it’s all about living life, backing away from work and focusing on why we’re doing things – what matters most.
I’ve been contemplating how I’m going to answer this challenge. Obviously it’s my family that I’m working so hard for. It’s so I can help support, put food on the table and assist in keeping a roof over our heads. I work from home so we don’t have to put our kids in daycare, so we can have fun family movie nights and put up a glittering Christmas tree that will be loved all day long. I work for my clients, being a part of their stories and bringing their celebrations to life. But secretly, I work for myself too. Because truth be told, I wouldn’t be happy if I wasn’t working towards something. I’m not the type of person to be content without a dream and a little dirt under my nails. And I work so I can keep on dreaming.
This morning, however, I had a breakdown. I was up against a naughty toddler, deadlines and the wish the take a shower. I keep getting thrown into the category of a “stay at home mom”, as if I had no obligations other than my children, and it boils my blood. I work from home, I take care of two little girls while I’m crafting backdrops, answering emails, blogging, finding caterers, processing flower orders, etc. I challenge any of you with 9:00-5:00 jobs to take your kids with you for a day or two, you might not be able to keep your jobs for long. That’s how I feel. So as such, I often find myself stretched a little thin. It doesn’t always feel like a blessing to be able to stay at home with my girls all day. At times it feels more like a trap. Some days I just feel cursed. That’s how I felt this morning.
Going back to focusing why I’m doing what I’m doing – and sometimes I just can’t channel the gratitude and response that I know I should be writing. I should have just posted a big old picture of my family on Instagram, said they’re what matter most and moved on with my day. But at the moment it just didn’t feel sincere. I’m the type that would rather stay silent then just say what everyone wants to hear.
And then Willa June smiled at me. It was more than just a smile, there was a twinkle in her little 9 month old eye. We connected in a way that was just beyond route diaper changes and feedings. It was then I realized that I couldn’t let someone else watch her and take that away from me. These are mommy moments and they’re mine.
This is for all the entrepreneurs and family-preneurs out there – it seems like others have it all together. It seems like so many others have figured out how to do and have it all. But I’m challenging you to realize that it’s a rollercoaster ride. Some days are beautiful and productive and some days I’m in yoga pants, shower-less and wishing that I had never had kids. Even though it seems like it, I know I cannot possibly be the only one who feels like the minority. I can’t gush about my kids and husband 24/7 because while I love them all dearly, sometimes they drive me absolutely to the edge.
I work so I can have a life – whatever that life may be. I work so my dreams can become bigger dreams and someday reality. I work so my family can be a part of that life and those dreams, constantly seeking the balance between the two. And maybe someday I can also be part of my baby girls’ dreams, whatever they will be.0