Oct 27

When it’s More than Just Cold Feet

Cold Feet | The Day's Design | Kelly Sweet Photography

Photography: Kelly Sweet Photography

This is a subject that’s been pulling on my heartstrings for awhile. However, since wedding blogs are supposed to be this blissful happy place it never seems appropriate to bring up the harsh reality that even when you said yes, you may not fulfill that journey down the aisle.

I had two brides call off their wedding this year. That’s 13% of my weddings. I don’t know if that’s an average percentage throughout the wedding industry but it is an eye opener to the fact that diamonds don’t make everything beautiful.

10 years ago I was engaged to another man. It seems like a lifetime past and I can scarcely imagine what my life would be life now had I gone through with it. Suffice to say, I wouldn’t have two beautiful daughters, I’d most likely be working some “safe” corporate job and dinner would be on the table every night at 5:30pm without a dirty dish left in the kitchen, ever. Period. And my walls would be white, but not in a textured trendy way, in the boring, non-adventurous way. They would be the bland metaphor for my life.

I’m not going to go into all the details as to why things weren’t right in my relationship. But at some point throughout the engagement time period I had this gut wrenching feeling that something was amiss. That’s a really scary feeling. I’m a very firm believer that marriage is forever and the forever in my reality was starting to feel very, very long.

I had already had 2 bridal showers. We had bought a house. Our lives were starting to merge. We were getting gifts for “us”. When you’re planning a wedding everything is go go go. You have time frames and itineraries. There are so many factors that you have to keep on top of, organize and decide that sometimes it’s really easy to lose track of all the pertinent feelings and emotions and sort those out from the tense, bridezilla moments.  It’s easy to lose your grip on reality.

For me, I couldn’t pull the trigger on sending out the invitations. I stalled and stalled. There wasn’t a real reason why, I just didn’t put them in the mail. It was less than 6 weeks before my wedding and they still weren’t out. Among the list, that should have been a huge warning sign.

I can’t tell you whether or not you’ve chosen the right man. I often become very close to my brides but I still don’t see all the inner workings of the relationship. And even if you’re happy in the moment, it doesn’t mean you’ll still be happy five years from now. So what do you do? How do you know if this is the man you’re supposed to marry?


PS – This isn’t the end of the story.  Sharing more on this subject later this week.

  1. Intense topic, Shelby! Kudos for being willing to talk about it. I’ve read a ton of wedding blogs and never once has this issue been brought up, which seems rather criminal since I’m sure many people struggling with doubts.

    I feel fortunate that I never had any really strong cold feet feelings during my engagement. Marrying Chris makes my life pretty much the opposite of bland. 😉

    I’m looking forward to reading the rest of what you have to say on this. I’m so sorry about what you went through with your first engagement, I can only imagine how heart wrenching that was. You should feel truly proud that you made it through that and made the right decision.

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