A couple days ago I was watching some mindless entertainment brought to you by the wonder that is Netflix. It was a show that was meant to be funny and fairly lighthearted but of course for entertainment value, there’s always a little drama. This particular episode was centered on a husband and wife and a lie that the husband had be caught in. It was a significant lie. I would have been furious as a wife. He definitely was in the wrong. By the end of the half hour episode we see her walk out the door, leaving him and supposedly their marriage behind. End of season, and possible the end of the marriage.
Photography: Ashley Slater Photography
I understand that everything on television is a little more dramatic, otherwise us viewers would lose interest. However, unlike what I can only assume might be many viewers, I was more appalled by her reaction than his lie. Because this is what society is teaching us, that it’s okay to walk out when things aren’t going your way. That marriage isn’t a permanent fixture in our lives. Rather, it’s just something we enjoy in the good times – not necessarily the bad.
I was lucky and had good marriage role models who have been together over 4o years. Not that everything I ever witness was perfect, but I saw that marriage is something that’s been built to last. It’s not easy, but it is constant. That’s how I entered my marriage, with the understanding that it was forever. The end.
It comes down to this, what is a vow? You took vows (or will take vows) on your wedding day.
And if you want to take that a little further, let’s look at the definition of promise.
When we talk about marriage, this is one subject where we should be able to use words like assurance and guarantee with absolute certainty. There should be no question of whether your partner with be will you forever (or until death do you part). It’s not as though this is an optional choice, and yet society would have us believe that there’s always an option. We’re taught to be selfish – which adds fear and doubt into our relationships. We’re told that “we deserve more”, “we deserve better”, “we deserve to be happy”. Why? What makes you think that you deserve more than any other person on this planet? There will be times of chaos, unhappiness and grief in your marriage. I’m not saying that you “deserve” that – but your partner will wrong you at some point. You will wrong them as well. I’m guilty and so is my husband. No one is perfect, but if you stick with this guarantee, this vow and assurance that you made to one another and work through it, things can come out happier and better on the other side. You can be stronger together and work towards this life that you both “deserve”. Because no one partner deserves more happiness than the other.
In case you had a rough weekend or are feeling like maybe marriage isn’t for you, I’m routing for you. If you’ve already said “I do” then I believe that marriage is for you. You can make it last it just might take even bit of stubbornness within you. There isn’t an easy out and troubles are bound to last unless you work on them together. Leaving your marriage behind will only bring more grief in the future. Don’t let society and media get into your head and steer you wrong. Find a marriage role model and grow old together.
For more marriage insights you can read 5 Stages of Love here, Marriage Planning here, Why Marriage? here and One Foot Out the Door here. Or just search Marriage Study anywhere on my journal. Let’s create strong & happy marriages together!