I let fear hold me back.  That’s an honest and open, bold and truthful statement.  I get scared and am unsure of what my next step in life should be.

Two years ago (summer 2011), I received a promotion to Dining Room Manager at the restaurant where I was currently employed.  It was a decent job with good pay, the hours were not exactly what I’d like in a perfect world, but I could go shopping, we could continue remodeling our house and life was pretty comfortable.  I continued to work here and there on weddings, although there just wasn’t too much time for that.

It was not where I was supposed to be and I knew it, but I continued on with my comfortable life.  That fall my grandma, who I was VERY close to was diagnosed with cancer and she began failing fast.  As the holidays approached work got busier, life got busier and the question arose as to whether or not Grandma would make it to Christmas.

During one of the most joyous times of the year my heart was so heavy.  I remember being bitter towards all the people celebrating with their loved ones as I served food, greeted guests and tried to stay somewhat upbeat.  I have over 10 years’ experience in the hospitality industry, so customer service has become second nature to me.  But not during this time.  All I wanted to do was scream “My Grandma is dying, and you’re upset that your steak is slightly overcooked!!”

A time like this really has a way of putting things into perspective.  We find meaning in life’s dark times and are able to focus on what’s really important.  For me, that was family.  I felt like I needed to be with them and I needed to make a difference and give my life more purpose than just overseeing a dining room of overindulgent seafood lovers.

Three days before Christmas I approached my boss and told him I would not be into work for the next few days.  I had to go see Grandma and focus on what mattered most.

We had the best Christmas EVER.  I cannot even begin to describe it more than that… it was just an amazing time being surrounded with family and love.  Period.

January 9, 2012 Jesus called Grandma home.  On one extremely snowy and blusterous day we all gathered around to celebrate her life.  She was an absolutely amazing God filled woman who I was so proud to also call my friend.  She always pushed me to do my best and was filled with simple words of wisdom and comfort.

More than ever, I knew it was time to leave my restaurant home of six years.  It was time for something new, but what?  I accepted a new position as an event coordinator at a private club in downtown Grand Rapids, leaving my old job on a whim.  I was there for a few months but nudge, nudge…

So why is this post titled “Fear”?  This is just the beginning, the story doesn’t end here, part 2 will soon follow.



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